加拿大华人论坛 加拿大留学移民努力for writing result 7，每日一篇，希望指正

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Day 1question：Tourism can be an excellent way for a country to develop but also cause harm. How can we ensure the continue development of the tourism.Tourism might play an important role in a country’s economy. For example, employment can be provided and local incomes can be increased. Nevertheless, negative influence such as environmental pollution, eco-disaster can be drawbacks of tourism, which sooner or later will limit the sustainability of tourism. For the continued development of tourism in one country, two major aspects should be considered. First, pollution should be forbidden by strict laws that are provided by the government. When the tourism thrives, the consumption of more and more tourists will exceed the burden of the environment. It is more likely to cause pollution as increasing wastes that are produced by overcrowded human. So, the annual tourist population, for instance, must be limited within a reasonable number. Any company or department who ignore the regulation should be punished by the law. Also, firing or any behavior which might cause serious eco-disasters should be prohibited by laws. In addition, organizations and schools have the obligation of educating both tourists and local residents to consciously cherish the tourism resources. In many circumstances, people do not intend to but their activities indeed ruin the natural resources, or break the eco-balance of the nature, even cause drastic disaster for the local fragile eco-system. A supporting example can be found with the coral reef. As a constant tourism development in the Great Barrier Reef Australia, the coral reefs are dying out an increasing speed, which would consequently harm the fish and other marine creatures. Tourists should be taught reasonable behavior, such as not touching the corals, not feeding fish underwater, not moving anything on the seabed and so forth, to keep the eco balance. These can not be regulated by the law, but can be achieved by the continuing education and campaign.In sum, the tourism can be sustainable only if the resources it relies on can be sustainable. Therefore, laws along with the education and campaign which protect the tourism resources might afford a country’s tourism to be continued for generations.

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漫游温哥华 INSPIRING VANCOUVER 超赞 赏 反馈:爱睡觉的兔子 和 coolham psd1179I A 0$(VIP 0) 2,4112011-02-19#2 回复: 努力for writing result 7，每日一篇，希望指正Day 2Question: Some people think we need more female leaders to create world peace and reduce violence. To what extent do you agree.Some of the public believe that the achievements of world peace and violence reduction need the participation of more female leaders. I agree with this viewpoint to some extent when female leaders do play growing significant roles in the world affairs. However, the relationship between population of female leaders and the possibility of problem solving might not be so certain. In another words, increasing female leaders is not the key for the problem, Admittedly, more and more females have devoted themselves into activities of creating peace or reducing violence in recent decades. Some at the top ranging from politic leaders to public image ambassadors have made particularly evident contributions. Diana, princess of Wills, was an excellent model of women in the campaign of world peace and combat of poverty. Angelina Jolie, the famous Hollywood actress, is working on the propaganda of fighting racial violent conflict in Africa. With all the efforts of these outstanding leading females, the public are becoming increasingly sensitive to the people in the war and are rejecting the violent activities on national, racial, ethnic and domestic levels.However, the goals world peace and none violence might not be achieved so easily as more female leaders take part in. Instead of the population of female leaders, the equality of genders is likely to be more essential to be considered. As we probably know that gender discrimination still exists in many countries. Females are treated as humble persons, even are trafficked illegally. Females in these countries are often illiteracies and are living in threatening condition, let alone the possibility of being elected leaders. Therefore, to make a peaceful world without violence, it is more essentially to give all common females justice in society first rather than to make a few female leaders. In the final of this essay, though I appreciate that more female leaders become significantly important in the process of world peace or against violence, to pursue the true liberty of human being and to make a peaceful planet, there are more importantly considerable issues than just increasing the population of female leaders.

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漫游温哥华 INSPIRING VANCOUVER 超赞 赏 psd1179I A 0$(VIP 0) 2,4112011-02-19#3 回复: 努力for writing result 7，每日一篇，希望指正Day3Question: Students from rural area often find it difficult to access to university education, so people think universities should make it specially easy for them to study at. To what extent do you agree or disagree. The problem that students from rural area often have less chance to go to university is serious. However, the measure that universities offer easier way or lower standard for them to study at is unlikely to solve this problem effectively. First, the real reason that the students are difficult to go to university is their weak conditions compared to peers in cities. So an effective solution is to help them to improve their conditions in aspects such as poor schooling conditions, limited information, lack of instruction and guidance to apply for universities. The government should invest more money to the primary education, the secondary education and the high school education in rural area. The fair educational environment, teachers, learning contents and training processes should be ensured in rural area as same quality as they are in cities. Then, students in rural area can have the same opportunities in the competition. More importantly, the suggestion that set lower standards of access to universities for students in rural area can generate unfairness in the competition along with the corruption in social departments. Inarguably, university education is base on the belief that all students are treated equally despite of racial, national or economical background. So nobody can have the privilege to get the specially easy treatment. On the contrary, as we all know, it is the rich and powerful people that might afford to use this “privilege” to benefit their own children. They can change their identities from city dwellers into rural area citizens when their children are going to apply to universities. In this circumstance, the corruption might have an increasing rate in both the educational department and the demographic department. Admittedly, because of the lower income families in rural area often have, it is the obligation of universities to offer more financial support to students in those families. With the aid, such as scholarship or assistantship, students in rural area can afford to go to university easily, which should be encouraged to universities. This kind of measures is not the same issue as the suggestion what simply “make it specially easy”. In sum, though, the universities should be encouraged to set up numerous financial measures to support poor students from rural area, it is not reasonable that the universities offer easy access to enter for them. In fact, the unfair treatment might cause seriously adverse impact to the university education itself and might not help the students at all.

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漫游温哥华 INSPIRING VANCOUVER 超赞 赏 A aston0201Guest 0$(VIP ) 2011-02-19#4 回复: 努力for writing result 7，每日一篇，希望指正6.5就是高了，要7干嘛。。。

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回复: 努力for writing result 7，每日一篇，希望指正

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。。。。。。[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]。。。。。。。​ 超赞 赏 O o0迷失Oo一代水王 0$(VIP 0) 3,9432011-02-19#6 回复: 努力for writing result 7，每日一篇，希望指正LZ阅读进步挺快的其实我在想 写作和口语都很主观为什么不在听力上下点工夫呢7分到7.5 也不是什么难事啊

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回复: 努力for writing result 7，每日一篇，希望指正迷失JJ都成水王了

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626和227，姐只差两个月。明年8月，联邦一定要等我http://www.canadameet.com/bbs/showthread.php?t=271328 苦学法语，命运掌握在姐的手里LZ阅读进步挺快的其实我在想 写作和口语都很主观为什么不在听力上下点工夫呢7分到7.5 也不是什么难事啊点击展开... 嗯，谢谢建议。我听力的错误有一半是拼写错误。因此练习写作也有助于拼写。忽略拼写，我听力自测常满分，nnd

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漫游温哥华 INSPIRING VANCOUVER 超赞 赏 psd1179I A 0$(VIP 0) 2,4112011-02-21#9 回复: 努力for writing result 7，每日一篇，希望指正essay4 People in the same family are not as close as before. Some people think we should return to traditional family values but others think this would lead to many problems. Discuss.​ Today, family members are not close like they are in the old time. Many individuals weigh the traditional family values against the modern social values, while others worry that this trend would cause many problems.​ Apparently, the relation of family members in traditional families is close. Folks tend to live together or live not so far away. Parents and their offspring are often live in the same house. They share the common belief and social experience everyday. It is such kind of harmony that might makes some people being keen on traditional family values. ​ However, does the suggestion that we return to traditional family values surely have good outcome in making family member close? In my observation, as the society is developing in an increasing rate with scientific and technologic breakthroughs, it is the pace of our daily life that forces family members to separate. Family members have different jobs to do and have to live far distance away. Younger generations, for example, are more likely to choose the modern life in cities while older people tend to stay in suburban or rural area. Sooner or later, the gaps between family members might widen enough that they, consequently, can not stand each other in term of opinions on daily bases. Since they can communicate with each other by telephone or via the internet, it is unnecessary for them to live together and to be in accordance with the traditional values as before.​ In my opinion, the traditional family values are still playing important roles in the social life in term of sharing social morality. But traditional family values can not outweigh the modern social relationship when people have to adapt the change of modern social life. In some cases, people tend to place more values on the companionship than the relationship of family members or they take precedence of being trustworthy to the public over their folks. In other words, modern individuals are more open than their elder generations. In conclusion, the gaps among modern family members are greater than they are in the past. Nevertheless, in term of effective solutions to the situation, the proposition returning to the traditional family values is not reasonable, in turn, it might cause unexpected problems.​

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漫游温哥华 INSPIRING VANCOUVER 超赞 赏 R ritz 0$(VIP 0) 1122011-02-21#10 回复: 努力for writing result 7，每日一篇，希望指正底子不错，就是写文章的条理太中国化，多看看外国报纸。

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回复: 努力for writing result 7，每日一篇，希望指正貌似有个传说 说烤鸭作文中最好别用反问句

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回复: 努力for writing result 7，每日一篇，希望指正模板痕迹较重。一己之见，可忽略。

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http://forum.iask.ca/showthread.php?t=538306牛妈登陆温哥华 http://forum.iask.ca/showthread.php?t=554091 牛妈女儿来到温哥华后的感受http://forum.iask.ca/showthread.php?t=560396中学生成绩单/ 在读证明/ 中英文对照免疫表 超赞 赏 psd1179I A 0$(VIP 0) 2,4112011-02-24#13 回复: 努力for writing result 7，每日一篇，希望指正这一篇写的很忐忑What are the purposes of places such as museums and how should they be funded. Facilities such as museums are established for public education and knowledge spread. As long as these places are ensured to be opened to the public, they should be funded by either the government or privates. It is often better that the government owns the facilities such as museums, especially important historical museums. Taking for example, The Great British Museum which has all kinds of precious collections on this planet ranging from skeletons of dinosaurs to antiques from China should be funded by the government. It is only the government that can ensure the security of these invaluable collections not been sold or been smuggled to other countries. However, it is not evident that the places funded by private can not meet the purpose of the public use such as education or knowledge spread. On the contrary, more and more famous museums are funded by private fund. The Guggenhime Museum, for instance, is the best illusion in terms of great dedication to the human public. In fact, private funded places not only raise money by selling tickets but also make their reputation through public attention. So they can be benefited and benefit the public also through the circulation which makes the private funded places charming. In conclusion, places such as museums are often used for the public benefits. To ensure the purposes, many places should better be funded by the governments. Nevertheless, such places funded by private are also significantly essential for supply when they have the same outcomes.

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漫游温哥华 INSPIRING VANCOUVER 超赞 赏 强生博爱 0$(VIP 0) 5692011-02-24#14 回复: 努力for writing result 7，每日一篇，希望指正同学，你考这么多只鸭，完全是浪费脑细胞。

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HK-TCY:091004初投；12RN; 1004补料hk;1004FN; 1006IP,20100706ME（平信走了40天）;20110222MER2011-03-28PL平信到（2月18日寄出）2011-04-19大信封到（4月15日VO挂号寄出）2011-07-04登陆多伦多同学，你考这么多只鸭，完全是浪费脑细胞。点击展开... 我想拿到Academic的合理分数申请读书

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漫游温哥华 INSPIRING VANCOUVER我想拿到Academic的合理分数申请读书点击展开...可以用现在的成绩申请大学+英语双录取，进去再继续学英语。

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HK-TCY:091004初投；12RN; 1004补料hk;1004FN; 1006IP,20100706ME（平信走了40天）;20110222MER2011-03-28PL平信到（2月18日寄出）2011-04-19大信封到（4月15日VO挂号寄出）2011-07-04登陆多伦多 超赞 赏 X xiaobai 0$(VIP 0) 3622011-02-25#17 回复: 努力for writing result 7，每日一篇，希望指正模板痕迹太严重了。多练习脱离模板，就能拿高分了

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------------------------------------------------626，重头开始 超赞 赏 psd1179I A 0$(VIP 0) 2,4112011-02-28#18 回复: 努力for writing result 7，每日一篇，希望指正Issue: There is not enough respect to the elderly people[FONT=宋体]，[/FONT]what are the causes and what problems does this phenomenon create. Presently, the elderly people are often ignored and treated without enough respect. Why this phenomenon happens apparently has the connection with the social background. And, theoretically, the foundation of social morality would be devastated due to this trend. Causes of people not respecting enough to the elders lie with the fact that constant competition in our society forces elderly people out of the central stage in the job market. As the latest technology changing the pace of our daily life, the young generation who are more literate in modern technologies are taking places of the old generation and playing central roles in the economy, while elderly people are finding their experiences not appropriate ever since. Moreover, the society places more value on the technological innovations than on the social experience as well. Compared with the younger competitors, the elderly individuals are found awkward in many circumstances. So, many people believe elderly people are treated without enough respect. However, the potential adverse impact of the phenomenon can not be ignored. As we all know, respecting the elder is an essential morality in one society. Was it broken, then, the moral disaster would happen near the future. Horrible hypotheses, for example, the offspring would abandon their parents, students would disobey teachers’ order in school, or employers would ignore the retired employees’ legal rights, are destined to be real due to the degradation in this respect. After all, becoming old is an inescapable physiological discipline, so any individual and society who expects the respect mutually, should always avoid not respecting the elder. In the final analysis, the social competition can be one reason which leads to less respect to the elder, then, lacking awareness of the most essential social rule that the elder should always be respected might be another reason on this issue. Nevertheless, being unable to control this trend must drive the society disorder and be harmful to either the old or the young.

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漫游温哥华 INSPIRING VANCOUVER 超赞 赏 psd1179I A 0$(VIP 0) 2,4112011-03-03#19 回复: 努力for writing result 7，每日一篇，希望指正竟然没有人帮斧正。我找了2个native speaker帮我修改。我把修改好的贴上了，希望对其他人也有用Question[FONT=宋体]：Some people think we need more female leaders to create world peace and reduce violence. To what extent do you agree.[/FONT] Some of the public believe that to achieve world peace and reduce violence more female leaders are needed. I agree with this viewpoint to some extent when female leaders play growing significant roles in world affairs. However, the relationship between the population of female leaders and the possibility of problem solving may not be certain. Steve, this sentence needs o be explained better… Do you mean “the relationship between the population of female leaders and THEIR ABILITY TO SOLVE PROBLEMS…”The way I would write the sentence is: However, the relationship between the population of female leaders and their ability to solve problems may not be certain. In other words, increasing female leaders is not the key to the problem. Admittedly, more and more females have devoted themselves to activities of creating peace or reducing violence in recent decades. Some at the top, ranging from political leaders to public image ambassadors, have made particularly evident contributions. Diana, Princess of Wales, was an excellent model of women in the campaign of world peace and combat of poverty. Angelina Jolie, the famous Hollywood actress, is working on fighting raciallly violent conflict in Africa. With all the efforts of these outstanding leading females, the public is becoming increasingly sensitive to the people in the war and are rejecting the violent activities on national, racial, ethnic and domestic levels. However, the goals of world peace and none violence might not be achieved as easily when more female leaders take part. Instead of the population of female leaders, the equality of genders is likely to be more essential . As we probably know, gender discrimination still exists in many countries. Females are treated as humble persons, even trafficked illegally. Females in these countries are often illiterate and are living in threatening conditions. Therefore, to make a peaceful world without violence, it is more essentially to give all common females justice in society first rather than to make a few female leaders. In the final analysis of this essay, though I appreciate that more female leaders are becoming significantly important in the process of world peace and are against violence, to pursue the true liberty of human beings and to make a peaceful planet, there are more important issues to consider than just increasing the population of female leaders.

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漫游温哥华 INSPIRING VANCOUVER 超赞 赏 psd1179I A 0$(VIP 0) 2,4112011-03-03#20 回复: 努力for writing result 7，每日一篇，希望指正another correction Some of the public believe that the achievements of world peace and violence reduction need the participation of more female leaders. I agree with this viewpoint to some extent when (This sentence is a bit confusing. I think it would be more clear if you said “because” instead of “when.” Then it will be easier to see that you agree BECAUSE there is already some precedent.) female leaders do play growing significant roles in the (just “world affairs,” no “the” needed) world affairs. However, the relationship between population (“population” refers more to a community and would not be the best term in this instance ? just say the “the number of female leaders”) of female leaders and the possibility of problem solving might not be so certain. In another words, increasing female leaders is not the key for the problem, (Why does this end in a comma?) Admittedly, more and more females have devoted themselves into (“to” not “into”) activities of creating peace or reducing violence in recent decades. Some at the top, ranging from political leaders to public image ambassadors, have made particularly evident contributions. Diana, princess of Wills (Wales), was an excellent model of women in the campaign of world peace and combat of poverty. Angelina Jolie, the famous Hollywood actress, is working on the propaganda (“propaganda” is often used negatively and not positively, like “Nazi propaganda”) of fighting racial violent conflict in Africa. With all the efforts of these outstanding leading females, the public are (“the public is” ? even though “public” describes many people, it is a singular word) becoming increasingly sensitive to the people in the war and are rejecting the violent activities on national, racial, ethnic and domestic levels. However, the goals of world peace and none violence (“non-violence”) might not be achieved so easily as (The word “as” is very passive and does not give any strength to the sentence. Instead say “might not be achieved so easily only because more female ….”) more female leaders take part in. Instead of the population (again, use “number”) of female leaders, the equality of genders is likely to be (Delete “likely to be.” By saying “the equality of genders is more essential,” it is stronger argument.) more essential to be considered. As we probably know that gender discrimination still exists in many countries (Again, keep your arguments strong. “Gender discrimination still exists in many countries.). Females are treated as humble persons, even are (instead of “even are,” use “and are even”) trafficked illegally. Females in these countries are often illiteracies (“illiteracies” is a noun, so use “illiterate,” which is an adjective) and are living in threatening conditions, let alone (“let alone” does not work in this instance, use “which reduces” or “which prevents”) the possibility of electing any female leaders. Therefore, to make a peaceful world without violence, it is more essentially to give all common females justice in society first rather than to make a few female leaders. In the final of this essay, though I appreciate that more female leaders become significantly important in the process of world peace or against violence, to pursue the true liberty of human being and to make a peaceful planet, there are more importantly considerable issues (confusing phrasing ? say “there are more important issues to consider”) than just increasing the population (again, use “number”) of female leaders. (This essay was alright ? not too hard to understand your meaning but not extremely well-written. The first paragraph sounded a little weak, as if you were still deciding what you should write about. The third paragraph was also a little confusing because many of your sentences sounded passive. Create stronger connections between cause and effect with words/phrases like “because,” “as a result,” or “therefore.”) (Often you use phrases like “likely to be,” which every now and then is okay. But do it too often and it sounds as if you are not sure what you are talking about. This also applies for words like “might,” “probably,” and “possibly.” An extreme example: “I think tomorrow there might likely be a test that students will possibly study for.” It makes sense, but without the wishy-washy words, it reads much clearer as if you know what you are talking about. “Tomorrow there will probably be a test that students will study for.”)

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