加拿大华人论坛 加拿大百科英文笑话（附中文译）

在加拿大

TOM'S EXCUSETeacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day?Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School--Go Slow". 汤姆的借口 老师：汤姆，您为什么每天上学迟到？ 汤姆：我每次路过拐角，一个路标上面写着："学校----慢行。"

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http://strike-forever.spaces.msn.com/ 超赞 赏 反馈:jane_cool Harry 0$(VIP 0) 682006-07-23#2 ToothacheJim:Is that tooth still aching? I'd have that tooth out if it were mine.Tom:So would I if it were yours.牙痛吉姆：那颗牙还痛吗？如果那颗牙是我的，我就请人把它拔掉。汤姆：如果那颗牙是你的，我也会这么做的。

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http://strike-forever.spaces.msn.com/ 超赞 赏 Harry 0$(VIP 0) 682006-07-23#3 WonderfulBoy: Doctor, will I be able to play the violin after this cast comes off my wrist?Doctor: Certainly, my son.Boy: Wonderful! I've never been able to play the violin before.太好了！男孩：医生，我手腕上的石膏弄下去之后，我能拉小提琴吗？医生：当然能了，孩子。男孩：太好了！我以前一直都不会拉小提琴。

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http://strike-forever.spaces.msn.com/ 超赞 赏 Harry 0$(VIP 0) 682006-07-23#4 A lonely frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and asked what his future holds. His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him: "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you." The frog is thrilled, "This is great! "Will I meet her at a party?" he croaks. "No," says the psychic, "in biology class." 关于将来　　一只孤独的青蛙致电心理热线，询问他的将来会怎么样。　　他的私人心理医生告诉他：“你将会遇到一个很漂亮的女孩，她热衷于了解你的一切。” 　　青蛙兴奋得用发抖的声音说：“这真是太棒了！那么我是不是会在一个晚会上碰到她呢？”　　“不，”心理医生说：“是在生物课上。”

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http://strike-forever.spaces.msn.com/ 超赞 赏 Harry 0$(VIP 0) 682006-07-23#5 Whose FaultJill: Daddy, Jack's broken my new doll.Daddy:How did he do that?Jill: I hit him on the head with it.谁之过？吉尔：爸爸，杰克把我的新娃娃弄坏了。爸爸:他怎么弄坏的？吉尔:刚才我用娃娃砸了他的头。

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http://strike-forever.spaces.msn.com/ 超赞 赏 小鼠波波******管理成员 530$(VIP 0,#7) 18,2542006-07-23#6 不错!

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活的太累，是因为能左右你心情的东西太多 超赞 赏 Genese 0$(VIP 0) 3,2092006-07-23#7 顶一下

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学习中……

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where there is a will,there is a way. 超赞 赏 H hy0102 0$(VIP 0) 7542006-07-23#9 Great!

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good job

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2005.5.13 FNHKVO:TCWwaiting for MEone slang per day 超赞 赏 Harry 0$(VIP 0) 682006-07-24#11 I Wasn't Asleep　　　When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!"　　　"I wasn't asleep," the man answered.　　　"Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed."　　　"I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car."我没有睡着　　当一群妇女上车之后，车上的座位全都被占满了。售票员注意到一名男子好象是睡着了，他担心这个人会坐过站，就用肘轻轻地碰了碰他，说：“先生，醒醒！”　　　 “我没有睡着。”那个男人回答。　　　 “没睡着？可是你眼睛都闭上了呀？”　　　 “我知道，我只是不愿意看到在拥挤的车上有女士站在我身边而已。”

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http://strike-forever.spaces.msn.com/ 超赞 赏 Harry 0$(VIP 0) 682006-07-24#12 Only cash and credit cards　　　 When a man called a motel and asked how much they charged for　　a room, the clerk told him that the rates depend on room size and number of people.　　　 " Do you take children?" the man asked.　　　 "No, sir," replied the clerk. "Only cash and credit cards."只算现金和信用卡　　　 一个人打电话给一家汽车旅馆询问房租，旅馆的工作人员回答说 房租的多少取决于房间的大小和住客的人数。　　　 “小孩儿算不算呢？”那人问道。　　　 “不算，先生。”服务员回答，“我们只算现金和信用卡。”

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http://strike-forever.spaces.msn.com/ 超赞 赏 Harry 0$(VIP 0) 682006-07-24#13 Does the dog know the proverb,　too?　　　 The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.　　　 "It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?"　　　 "Ah, yes," answered the little boy. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"狗也知道这个谚语吗？　　　 一个小男孩非常不喜欢狗狂叫的样子。　　　“没有关系，”一位先生说，“不用害怕，你知道这条谚语吗：‘吠狗不咬人。’”　　　“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道吗？”

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http://strike-forever.spaces.msn.com/ 超赞 赏 Harry 0$(VIP 0) 682006-07-24#14 Where is the father?　　　 Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.　　　 "Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!" 　　　 "Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"　　　 The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."父亲在哪儿？　　　 兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。　　　 “看，”哥哥说，“这些画多漂亮呀！”　　　 “是啊，”弟弟说道，“可是在所有这些画中，只有妈妈和孩子。那爸爸去哪儿了呢？”　　　 哥哥想了会儿，然后解释道：“很明显，他当时正在画这些画呗。”

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http://strike-forever.spaces.msn.com/ 超赞 赏 Harry 0$(VIP 0) 682006-07-24#15 A Smart Housewife.　　A smart housewife was told that there was a kind of stove which would only consume half of the coal she was burning. She was very excited, and said: "That'll be terrific! Since one stove can save half of the coal, if I buy two, no coal will be needed!"精明的家庭主妇 　　一位精明的家庭主妇听人说有一种炉子用起来可以比她现在用的炉子省一半的煤。她听了大为兴奋，说：“那太好了！一个炉子可以省一半的煤，那么如果我买两个炉子的话，不就可以把煤全都省下来了吗？”

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http://strike-forever.spaces.msn.com/ 超赞 赏 Harry 0$(VIP 0) 682006-07-24#16 But the teacher cried　　　The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled . His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum. Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.　　When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door.　　"Was school all right?" she asked, "Did you get along all right? did you cry?"　　"Cry?" John asked. "No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!"可是老师哭了　　六岁的约翰娇生惯养。他的父亲知道这一点，可他的祖父母仍然宠着他。这孩子几乎寸步不离他的祖母。他想要什么不是哭，就是闹。他第一天上学才离开祖母的怀抱。　　约翰放学了，他奶奶在门口接他并问道：“学校怎么样？你过的好吗？哭了没有？”　　“哭？”约翰问，“不，我没哭，可老师哭了。”

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http://strike-forever.spaces.msn.com/ 超赞 赏 Harry 0$(VIP 0) 682006-07-24#17 One Engine Left　　A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a r esult."　　Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late."　　At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!"只剩一个引擎　　一架747客机正在跨越大西洋时，喇叭里传来了机长的声音：“旅客们请注意，我们的四个引擎中有一个丢失了。但剩下的三个引擎会把我们带到伦敦的。只是我们要因此晚到一小时　。” 过了一会儿，旅客们又听到机长的声音：“各位，你们猜怎么啦　？我们刚又掉了第三个引擎。但请你们相信好了。只有一个引擎我们也能飞，但要晚三个小时了。” 正在这时，一位乘客非常气愤地说：“看在上帝的份上，如果我们再掉一个引擎，我们就要整夜都要呆在天上了。”

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http://strike-forever.spaces.msn.com/ 超赞 赏 Harry 0$(VIP 0) 682006-07-24#18 Logic Reasoning　　A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic.　　"Here is the situation," she said. "a man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yellin g for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows that he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"　　A girl raised her hand and asked, "to draw out all of his savings?"逻辑推理　　小学四年级的教师正在给学生们上一堂逻辑课。她举了这么一个例子：“有这样一种情况，一个男人在河中心的船上钓鱼，突然失去重心掉进了水里。于是他开始挣扎并喊救命。他的妻子听到了他的喊声，知道他并不会游泳，所以她就急忙跑向河岸。谁能告诉我这是为什么？” 一个女生举手答道，“是不是去取他的存款？”　　[注]bank在英语中除了我们平时很熟悉的“银行”之外，还有“河岸”的意思。

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http://strike-forever.spaces.msn.com/ 超赞 赏 Harry 0$(VIP 0) 682006-07-24#19 The preacher was vexed because a certain member of his congregation always fell asleep during the sermon.　　As the man was snoring in the front row one Sunday, the preacher determined he would teach him not to sleep during the sermon. So, in a whisper, he asked the congreg ation. "All who want to go to heaven，please rise." Everyone got up except the snorer. After whispering "Be seated", the minister shouted at the top of his voiced, "All those who want to be with the devil, please rise."　　Awaking with a start, the sleepy-head jumped to his feet and saw the preacher standing tall and angry in the pulpit, "Well, sir," he said, "I don't know what we're voting on, but it looks like you and me are the only ones for it."　　瞌睡者　　牧师非常生气，因为总有一个人在他说教时打瞌睡。一个星期天，正当坐在前排的那个人又在瞌睡时，牧师决定要好好教育他一下，让他不要再在布道时睡觉。于是他低声对信徒们说：“想去天堂的人，都请站起来吧。”所有的人都站了起来——当然，除了那个打瞌睡的人。在低声说过请坐后，牧师高声喊道：“想去下地狱的人请站起来！”打瞌睡的人被这突然的喊叫声惊醒了，他站了起来。看到牧师高站在教坛上，正生气的看着他。这个人说道：“噢，先生，我不知道我们在选什么，但看上去只有你和我是候选人。”

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http://strike-forever.spaces.msn.com/ 超赞 赏 Harry 0$(VIP 0) 682006-07-24#20 　　THE SCHOOL HEALTH FORMS had been distributed to the students with an error---the word "Sex" had been spelled with an "o". One mother, filling out the form for her son, wrote in the blank next to "Sox": "Usually brown." 　　某学校发给学生的健康调查表里有个错别字——把“性别”的“性”字写成了“袜”字。一位母亲在为她的儿子填写表格时，在“袜别”的那栏填上了：“棕色为主。”　　[注] 英语中sex（性）与sox（袜）只有一个字母之差。

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