加拿大外贸
刚接触新产品，上司给我一个很久前的询盘让我看让我写回信给她看。我写了一封，她说我太啰嗦了，不管是句子还是句子里面。
我修改了，她又说我乱。
最后一次她说我写的信很奇怪，就给了我她的看。
可是我不可能就抄她的把？而且写法肯定有很多种不同的啊，每个人的信都有自己的风格。
我都不知道我到底写的真的那么烂么？
那到底要怎样写呢？
评论
何不把你写好的拿出来给大家修改一下。
都不知道内容，大家也不知道改怎么写啊
评论
说的也是
下面我发我修改的三次啊。
大家帮我多给点选择。
我再多学习学习。
1.
Dear Mr. Michael Fisher,
Greetings!
Thank you very much for your inquiry.We are so glad to know that you are interested in carbon fiber made motorcycle parts.
Our company is specialized in manufacturing carbon fiber products since 2003.The Vacuum bagging process is our exclusive in China.Our carbon fiber products are lighter weight,more durable and higher modulus.We company can do both OEM and ODM as clinets' requirements.
As per your description,i have a general understanding.But to calculate the costs and ensure the products,can you send me some pictures and size of each part?
Then i can offer you more detail informations about it.
Hope we could have good and long time cooperation in the near future.
Looking forward your reply as soon as possible.
Best Regards
Yours sincerely,
Helen Yang
评论
2.
Dear Michael,
Greetings!
Thanks for your enquiry.We are so glad to know that you are interested in carbon fiber motorcycle parts.
Our company is specialized in manufacturing carbon fiber products since 2003.We have many exclusive processes to make carbon fiber products better.
Pls send me the pics of your pannier to know it well and calculate the costs.
Hope we have a good cooperation.
For more questions pls visit our web www.flinkcarbon.com or contact me directly.
Looking forward your reply as soon as possible.
Best Regards
Yours sincerely,
Helen Yang
评论
3
Dear Michael,
Greetings!
Thanks for your enquiry and interests!
Flink carbon is specialized in manufacturing carbon fiber products since 2003.Experienced staffes , exclusive processes and strict quality control system makes our best products.Welcome to visit our web www.flinkcarbon.com.
We can produce what you want as per the sample.Can you pls send me the pics of your pannier for refference?Have you ever been such business before?It will be great pleasure to cooperation with you.
Looking forward your early reply!
Best Regards
Yours sincerely,
Helen Yang
评论
大家尽管点评
我要提高
评论
有好的还是共享出来吧。谁都怕自己写的有错误，贻笑大方，我觉得应该体谅LZ.
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难怪你上司说你写的哆嗦，言简意赅即可了。
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我也发现啰嗦啊。
可是要改要时间。
我每一封都很罗嗦么？
帮我改一下或者给我说说怎么改？
还有，我的信很怪么？
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The third one is actually very nice in my opinion. Better than my English. I have no comments for improvement.
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里面有些小错误我知道，
但是我上司说我的邮件就是很怪。
我哪儿怪了啊
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我觉得不错啊 客人要求什么都写清了 但老外喜欢简单的
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We are pleased to get to know that you are presently in the market for xxx,and as a specialized manufacturer and exporter for this product in China, we sincerely hope to establish business relations with your esteemed corporation.
Herewith please find attached quotation according to your following request.
To konw more about our corporation,please kindly visit our website:
Please kindly check and revert at your earliest.
Best regards and many thanks,
评论
个人觉得简单明了就行
评论
现在的客人都猜不懂，为什么邮件都石沉大海了呢？
会不会是我们的开发信有问题呢？
HELEN，你也帮我改改，看怎么回复客人好写
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